Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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