I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
