Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
