my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
