I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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