Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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