yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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