just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I would fuck him just for his dog
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
