wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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