The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
