Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
