my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
