I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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