girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
