she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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