I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
