No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
