He kissed a someone with a penis
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
