This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
