The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
