Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
