I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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