i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
