ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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