you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
