Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
