I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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