I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
