Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
