She just used a chaser for red wine.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
