Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
