I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize