can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
