Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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