if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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