The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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