cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
