That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
