Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Everything about him screamed your future.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize