my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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