I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There's even glitter on my cock...
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