We got so high we made milksteak
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
