I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
