I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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