It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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