Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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