I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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