I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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