im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize