I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
