I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
