So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
