I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize