I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
