A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
