Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All I want is dick and wine.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
