She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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