so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
