apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
