Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
