I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
