They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
