just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
