I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
