Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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