Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
