Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
