Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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