i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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