just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
