if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
