Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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