first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize