I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
