did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
