His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
