so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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