How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
